A Closer Look at Relationships

Among our many relationships, many forms and types exist. There are friendships, family connections, teacher-student bonds, marriages, relationships with and between monastics, and many other kinds. How we choose to develop, nourish and manage these specific relationships determines our own joy and contentment, as well as that of our fellow human beings, and ultimately, our community and world as a whole.

 

How wonderful our lives become when we trust in the infinite and inherent capacity for connection that all beings share. Living with utmost ease and happiness and with the maximum ability to benefit others depends on our ability and willingness to approach all relationships with compassion, pure hearts, and the proper frame of mind.

 

Consider the following example.

Once there was a man who asked a Chan master to write something special for his birthday. The Chan master wrote, “Father expires, son expires, grandson expires.” The man was not at all amused by the mentioning of death on his birthday. The Chan master explained, “These are words of good luck.”

The man was puzzled. “Everyone dies. What kind of good luck is this?” he asked.

The Chan master replied, “Would you rather have your grandson pass away before your son and before you? How tragic it is to have elders attending the funerals of the young!”

When we do not have a clear understanding of how we relate to others, or how we can relate to others, we create a lot of unnecessary problems for ourselves and others.

We miss out on the great joy that is easily within our reach. Therefore, It is important for us to nurture our skills in developing and maintaining various types of relationships so we can heighten our ability to offer compassion and love that serves to empower and elevate others, rather than suppress or oppress them.

There are many instances in which the sutras speak of how relationships should be handled. These texts guide us in eliminating the distance between people and help us to nurture profound affinity. While there are historical and cultural differences in how any relationship is best managed, the basic elements of respect and compassion are the universal ingredients of a good and healthy relationship. Here we will look specifically at what the sutras say regarding friendships, and then discuss healthy emotions and love. Taking these teachings and suggestions to heart can help us all to generate widespread and long-lasting affinity with our fellow sentient beings.

From Living Affinity, written by Venerable Master Hsing Yun.

Image from Pixabay.

More Featured Articles

Being patient is an art, and being persistent is a kind of hope. Influenced by today’s instant culture, modern people tend to expect instant results in anything they do. Practitioners want to have attainment in this life, scholars want to become instant laureates in their fields, and entrepreneurs want to gain a huge fortune overnight. As the saying goes, “A flower picked before its time Read more
"Walk like the wind, stand like a pine, sit like a bell, and rest like a bow."This basic etiquette not only applies to Buddhists; everyone should practice it as well in daily living.When we first meet a person, we can tell the level of his/her education and cultivation by his/her manners. We know how refined a person is by the way he/she speaks and conducts Read more
“True Dharma” means those teachings which are right, correct, and do not deviate from the Middle Way.The word “Dharma” has several different meanings. One meaningof “dharma” is “phenomena.” In this sense, “dharma” includes phenomena as large as the universe and as small as a mustard seed. “Dharma” also refers to the truth, the teachings of the Buddha. The Dharma the Buddha taught is what allows people Read more
Humans are thinking animals! Since the beginning of time, there have always been people who fantasize, who have delusions, who dream—and many who have ideals. When we lie in our beds at night, we should be free from worry. Yet thoughts about our lives often arise then; thoughts about family, country, or even the world. Everything is within our minds.The average person often tends to Read more
Within the faith of Humanistic Buddhism, there is no opposition between time and space, nor is there any worry about life and death. What we seek to attain in passive terms is the absence of fear, confusion, and degradation, as well as the inability to become broken; in active terms, life can become happier, more peaceful, more tranquil, freer, and more liberated. Read more
When someone benefits us even a little,we should repay them with all our hearts.Even if someone is angry with us,we should always treat them well.— Upasakasila Sutra Gratitude Is Fundamental to BuddhismA natural outgrowth of heartfelt gratitude is the desire to repay others for the kind things they have done for us. Having the feeling of being indebted to others is a sign that we are Read more
Though the worlds that we see are fundamentally a product of our own minds, they usually do not appear this way to us. Like images in an intense dream, our perceptions appear to be wholly real to us, and not to have been generated by our own mental activity. For this reason, the Buddha taught many ways to help us comprehend the true nature of Read more
On the path of life, sometimes we need to go straight ahead, other times we have to make turns in order to reach our goals. If we do not turn around when we need to, we will not “see the other shore.” But when we need to move ahead and we do not, we will miss a prime opportunity. When we have to make a Read more
All my life, many have thought of me as rich, but the truth is, staying poor has always been my motto. I grew up in a poverty-stricken family, yet I never saw myself as poor, because I always felt rich in heart. Till my old age, many have thought of me as very wealthy because they believe I own many education institutes, cultural enterprises, publishing Read more
In fact, what I have enjoyed the most in my reading, and it could be said that a piece of writing that has had an important influence upon my life is the poem “Thoughts on My Fiftieth Birthday,” written by Venerable Master Taixu during his visit to India when the lay Buddhist Tan Yun-shan, Chairperson of the Institute of Chinese Language and Culture at Visva-Bharati Read more
Compassion is the father, the bodhi mind the mother. Good methods are like friends because they save all sentient beings. — Great Collection of True Dharmas Sutra Compassion Is the Father Compassion removes suffering and creates joy. The sutra says, “The power of the Dharma is beyond expression. Nothing can obstruct compassion.” Compassion is the root source of all good. Compassion is the heart of Read more
If we want to understand what the Dharma teaches us about building affinity and living in harmony with others, we must first understand the four great all-embracing virtues. The Buddha teaches that for us to realize our true capacity of connecting with and serving our fellow citizens, we have to first build a good rapport, and the four virtues are tools to that end. The four Read more