Gratitude

When someone benefits us even a little,
we should repay them with all our hearts.
Even if someone is angry with us,
we should always treat them well.

— Upasakasila Sutra

 

Gratitude Is Fundamental to Buddhism

A natural outgrowth of heartfelt gratitude is the desire to repay others for the kind things they have done for us. Having the feeling of being indebted to others is a sign that we are aware of our essential interconnectedness with them. Human beings are social beings; once we have become sensitive to the depth of our social natures, we will inevitably feel the need to repay others for the many things they have given us and the many opportunities they have provided us.

Our attempts at kindness should not be received as burdens by the people for whom they are intended nor should they cause us to feel arrogant.

When we act on a desire to repay a kindness, we are not settling an account or cleaning a slate, we are deeply acknowledging the importance of someone else to us. By acknowledging this importance, we create conditions that will lead to a deepening of our relationship with that person.

Whenever we deepen our relations with others, we must not do so out of a sense of greed or attachment and we must not expect anything in return. As our relationships with other sentient beings grow deeper and deeper, our awareness of the importance of gratitude can only increase. Eventually we will understand that there is no fundamental difference between gratitude, compassion and wisdom; all of them are the same; each of them is a facet of the mind of the Tathagata.

To Whom Should We Be Grateful?

We should be grateful that the sun shines, that the world turns, that our bodies are alive and that we are aware and can read Dharma literature. We should be grateful to those who have helped us learn the Dharma and to the Sangha that maintains the Dharma. Above all we should be grateful to the Buddha who spent so many years generously giving sentient beings the teachings we have today.

As Buddhists, we should feel fundamentally grateful for everything that happens to us.

How to Be Grateful

True gratitude is a product of both instinct and thought. When we are in tune with our basic feelings, we will find that gratitude flows naturally from us. When we think deeply, we will understand that everything we are is dependent on others. Once our eyes have been opened, how can we possibly feel anything less than the most profound gratitude for everything that is around us?

The Sutra on the Compassionate Upaya of the Buddha says that we fulfill ourselves and repay our debt of gratitude toward the world by always being compassionate and by doing our best to manifest the Four Immeasurable States of Mind of the Tathagata: boundless kindness, boundless compassion, boundless joy and boundless equanimity.

The sutra continues its discussion of gratitude by mentioning four other ways of being that can help us always remain grateful toward the world. It says:

  1. When we see an evil person, we should become thoughtful and consider that their evil is a burden most of all to themselves. With this understanding we should treat them with as much compassion as possible.
  2. When we see those who are suffering, we should not turn away from them. Instead we should provide them as much comfort as we are able.
  3. When we are with our parents, our teachers or others who are of good nature, we should feel joy and respect. We should seek to build on the compassion they have shown us by creating even more positive conditions in the world.
  4. When we come upon someone who is angry with us, we should not return the feeling. Instead we should look for every way we can think of to diminish it.

How to Repay Someone Who Is Discontented

Simply having a well-developed sense of gratitude does not mean that we will never be around people who are negative, angry, impatient or discontented. The bodhisattva lives in this world with all its many different kinds of people. As Buddhists we must learn to deal with each and every one of them.

Once we have a sense of gratitude, a willingness to be forgiving of others should quickly follow.

Gratitude and forgiveness are great aids to overcoming the ups and downs of human moods and human relationships. When we have learned these virtues, it will be possible for us to be tolerant and compassionate toward others in all circumstances.

When someone is negative, we should be positive. When someone is angry, we should try to be kind. When someone is impatient, we should be patient. And when someone is discontented, we should help him feel contented. Don’t let yourself get hooked on other people’s negative emotions. If their emotions are negative in general, try to be positive. If their negative emotions are specifically directed at you, try to always answer them with forgiveness, kindness and compassion. The moment we allow ourselves to become engaged in any kind of negativity, our worlds immediately become darker.

The Avadanas say, “Do not repay anger with anger. One day there must be a stop.” The Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra says that we should not allow ourselves to dwell on the transgressions of our friends.

From Being Good, written by Venerable Master Hsing Yun.

Image from Pixabay.

More Featured Articles

In this modern world, people are constantly saying, "Life is too stressful!" Why are people so stressed out? How can we rid ourselves of stress? Students feel stressed because of heavy schoolwork; parents feel stressed because they have too many chores and family obligations; policemen feel stressed because they have Read more
Equality is a truth of human life within the universe, it is an aim of humanity, and it is also the basis of Buddhism.The Avatamsaka Sutra says:“All sentient beings are equal.”The Great Perfection of Wisdom Treatise says: “From the very highest level of all Buddhas to the low level of animals, all are Read more
In the practice of meditation, once you have developed meditative concentration it does not matter if you are walking, standing, sitting, lying down, carrying firewood, or bringing water—every single action can suddenly lead to enlightenment and seeing intrinsic nature. For true Chan practitioners meditation is whatever they see in their Read more
In devoting my life to Buddhism, in order to keep Buddhism current with the advances in society, in terms of thoughts, I am always making improvements at every hour and moment; in terms of practice, I am constantly and continuously making adjustments. Even though I know that Buddhism must be Read more
We all have our share of headaches and heartaches. Physically, we all have to face aging, sickness and death. Mentally, we have to deal with problems arising from greed, hatred and ignorance. The Chinese have a saying that aptly describes our predicament: “Heaven and hell sometimes end; the threads of Read more
Control of the body means that we know when to act, and when not to act and that we know how to behave with moderation. Read more
Being patient is an art, and being persistent is a kind of hope. Influenced by today’s instant culture, modern people tend to expect instant results in anything they do. Practitioners want to have attainment in this life, scholars want to become instant laureates in their fields, and entrepreneurs want to Read more
All these naturally beautiful landscapes of the world are odes of praise to the beauty and wonder of nature. The beauty of nature is really enchanting and fascinating! Read more
Buddhism says we should see friends and enemies as equal. This means we should learn to tolerate unfriendly people, unideal environments, and language that is hard on the ears. Read more
Everyone in this world wants to have wealth and live a carefree life. They also want a good rebirth. Richness in this life and pleasure in the next are the hallmarks of a successful life.In the Sumati Sutra, the Buddha defined a "successful life" to be wealth in this life and happiness Read more
Birth and death are realities of life. Regardless of who we are, we cannot escape either one. While birth is celebrated, death is feared by most. In order to cope with our fear, we often seek comfort in religion. Although each of the world's major religious traditions has its own teaching Read more
If someone who holds firmly to the name of Avalokit­esvara were to find themselves in a fire, no matter how big, they need not fear being burned by it because of the Bodhi­sattva’s awe-inspiring spiritual powers. Specifically the passage describes one who “upholds the name.” The Chinese character chi (持), Read more