Speaking with Kind Words

If we want to understand what the Dharma teaches us about building affinity and living in harmony with others, we must first understand the four great all-embracing virtues. The Buddha teaches that for us to realize our true capacity of connecting with and serving our fellow citizens, we have to first build a good rapport, and the four virtues are tools to that end. 

The four virtues are givingspeaking with kind wordsconducting oneself for the benefit of others, and adapting oneself to others.

Speaking with Kind Words

To practice the second virtue regarding amiable speech, we should compliment rather than reprehend others, encourage them rather than criticize, and use loving words rather than scathing remarks.

Many arguments and fights have been started by an unkind utterance that could have easily remained unspoken or been replaced with gentle words instead. What was once a peaceful community can degenerate very quickly into a feuding community if lies, slander and gossip spread throughout its inhabitants.

If we are not paying attention, our careless words can destroy relationships. If we are mindful in our speech, being cautious always to speak with affection, our relationships will be grounded in trust and compassion.

Loving-kindness and compassion are something that people in this life of suffering depend on. Loving-kindness and compassion provide a ray of hope in life. Society is ruthless, tyrannical, and disorderly, and today, more than ever before, people must insist on habits of being amiable and equitable with one another. People must learn to put themselves in the shoes of others and even to consider all sentient beings as one would himself or herself. This will give rise to loving-kindness and compassion.

In the words of Buddhism, “Loving-kindness and compassion have no match.” Loving-kindness and compassion can overcome all negativity. One thought of loving-kindness and compassion can eliminate greed, anger, arrogance, and fear. In this modern age of scientific development, it has been found that human communication is far more important than all the discoveries of science and technology.

How can there be perfect communication among people? It can only happen through the practice of loving-kindness, compassion, and the four means of embracing virtues: giving charity, affectionate speech, conduct beneficially to others, and cooperation with others and adaptation of oneself to others to lead them to the truth.

Only when people consider all sentient beings with the eyes, words, expression, voice, and mind of loving-kindness and compassion and create affinities with all sentient beings can society achieve harmony and peace.

From Living Affinity, written by Venerable Master Hsing Yun.

Image from Pixabay.

More Featured Articles

One of the biggest weaknesses in today’s society is that we have developed the habit of not saying we are sorry. Once we grow up and rise in status and knowledge, apologizing becomes harder and harder. But human beings are not perfect sages and we all make mistakes. Being able to correct our mistakes is a virtue in itself. This ability to amend our actions Read more
Greed is a basic disease of all sentient beings. In our realm, the desire realm (kamadhatu), the force and effects of greed can be felt especially strongly. Greed is based on ignorance and cannot function without it. The fundamental ignorance that enables greed to function is the belief in a self that exists separately and independently from other sentient beings. This belief leads to nothing Read more
Humans are “masters of the myriad creations of this earth” but are also the creators of problems. The arising of all problems in this world is related to humans, including today’s problems concerning environmental preservation. They also arise because of humanity’s selfishness, ignorance, and interruption of the harmony and natural cycles of the world, to the point where there are continuous natural calamities and changes. Read more
Trustworthy WordsIf you lie, you will not be trusted. If you cannot be trusted, you will be ineffective in your own life and useless to other people. Lies hurt others because they damage their trust and their sense of what is right and wrong. This is a very serious kind of damage; it wastes time, frightens people and causes them to doubt their basic intuitions Read more
The great masters of the Chan School have always been like leisurely clouds and wild cranes, sometimes dwelling in the mountain forests, sometimes living by the water. Read more
To "commit" is to give assurance to others and to make a conscientious effort to deliver a promise. To instill credibility and trustworthiness, we must honor our words. Confucius once said, "One without credibility is like a large vehicle without a brake pedal, or a small carriage without axles. How can one go anywhere?"Living up to one's word is a basic courtesy. In past agricultural Read more
The Buddha often explained emptiness and impermanence by getting people to think about how phenomena arise, change, and decline. Read more
In the practice of meditation, once you have developed meditative concentration it does not matter if you are walking, standing, sitting, lying down, carrying firewood, or bringing water—every single action can suddenly lead to enlightenment and seeing intrinsic nature. For true Chan practitioners meditation is whatever they see in their daily lives; it is everywhere. Read more
Given that I have become a monk, I have placed demands upon myself. My sense of leaving the secular and focusing on the path must surpass others; my sense of self restraint and doing for others must be strengthened. I must learn to endure disadvantage, and I must let others gain some advantage at my expense; I must learn how to be patient and how Read more
Anger is distinguished from greed in that anger is a form of revulsion created by something we do not like while greed is a form of attraction brought on by something we do like. In this limited sense, and in this sense only, greed can be said to be “better than” anger. Greed at least has some positive components while anger generally has none at Read more
We should always try to see the good in others, not the bad. On the samsaric level of this saha world alone, back-biting and faultfinding are known by most people to be totally counter-productive. Not only does faultfinding produce nothing but anger and mistrust, but the effects of negative speech also create an environment in which it becomes difficult to do anything positive. Read more
The analysis of the mind in Buddhism is both multifaceted and sophisticated. As a spiritual practice, Buddhism contains numerous descriptions of the nature and function of the mind and instructions on how to search for, abide with, and refine it. In this regard, Buddhist psychology has much to offer, as does Western psychology.In the beginning, “psychology” referred almost exclusively to “a science that explains the Read more